I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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