god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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