Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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