Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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