Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
