I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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