Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
