ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So squirting runs in the family.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
