The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
