How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
