You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
