I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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