but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
