after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
