His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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