Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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