I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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