Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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