What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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