I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
