You smell like stripper and shame
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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