Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
