There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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