Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
