I just pynch a tree in the face
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
