just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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