U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
