Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
