you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
