if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
