Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize