I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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