the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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