I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So squirting runs in the family.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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