Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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