How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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