Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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