Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
