you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
