She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
