if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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