You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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