yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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