Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
