if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
