We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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