you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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