I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
