god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
