I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
