wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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