Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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