I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
