At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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