From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
