After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
