sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
