I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
