apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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