he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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