Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
