would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
