Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
