A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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