I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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