I hate all girls vehemently.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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