highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
