every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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