it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
