when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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