the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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