Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
