Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
