It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
