You can't motorboat a personality
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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