If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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