She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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