My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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