you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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