My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
