there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
