She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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